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Letter to Bible Radio Show

28/09/2009

in my internet encounters I stumbled upon an awesome letter to a Bible Radio Talk Show host by a listener, check it out:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

haha!

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Crappy Service, No Pun Intended

4/09/2009

When you walk in to a McDonalds, you pretty much can expect the same thing all across the country. It’s really not difficult to run a Micky D’s, as the user experience is somewhat similar at every single place. Well this is far from the truth in my experience at the Mcdonalds at 208 Varick St. in NY. Well, let’s see if you agree.

McDonalds
208 Varick St
New York, NY 10014-4302
(212) 206-9991

Upon first entering the McDonalds seen above, there was a woman standing at the counter, while I was waiting on line to place my order. She was complaining about the quality of her meat, simply asking for another sandwich as this one was not quite edible. I giggled, thinking to myself, “Damn lady, if you wanted high quality meat, you probably shouldn’t be at McDonalds…”. As she was showing the employee her burger, I took a quick glance myself, and on the bun I saw a thin, burnt down piece of something that looked more like plastic than meat with a small piece of ripped-in-half cheese. So, she gets a new burger has a seat, and I begin to place my order. Now, all I ordered were fries, mind you. As I’m waiting for my buddy’s meal to arrive, I probably could have gone to watch the concert that I was going to attend later in the night, went to Missouri, and returned. Did I mention it took a while for the meal to be ready? As we were waiting, the woman from earlier who returned the burger walked back up and showed the man at the counter her new burger – which had no cheese, no lettuce, no pickles, no tomato – just meat on bread. She then said, “You know what, can I just have a chicken sandwich, can’t go wrong there right!?”.

So my buddy, not so hastily mentions to the man at the counter, “Uh, I’m still waiting for my Big Mac”. Big Mac, the main driving force behind McDonalds advertising – the sneakers to their Nike, the Ipod to their Apple, the Playstation to their Sony – and they don’t have it ready to serve as FAST FOOD?. So the man at the counter responds, “Yo Charlie, I’m waitin’ on that Big Mac”. Charlie responds, “Oh yeah, my bad.” Upon the Big Mac finally being ready – we sat down. The Big Mac, not only had slabs of unmelted cheese on it, but also had been served with the same meat that McDonalds usually uses on the dollar menu beef items and did not even take up half of the bun size. Biting the bullet, my buddy said forget it, we won’t complain. So I decide to begin to eat my fries, “Can’t go wrong with fried at McDonalds, RIGHT!?” Wrong. Fries were gross, old, and stale. I coudn’t even finish the small serving of fries. Whilst eating, I heard a woman telling the man at the counter, “Someone needs to clean that bathroom up, it’s absolutely disgusting.” Again, we think nothing of complainers..

So, time to leave, but wait, my buddy has to use the bathroom and the ATM. Inside of the bathroom is one of the most disgusting things I could possibly describe to you. Feces on the floor. Yes, feces on the floor, uncleaned, and disgusting. Woman at the counter, you were correct and I’m sorry I doubted your complaining.

Lastly, ATM – of course it doesn’t work! My buddy asked for $80 – got nothing, and lost $80 in his balance. Overall, this McDonalds experience is quite short from the American fast food experience we all know and love, sometimes, but not too often because it’s not so healthy. =)

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funny people in the news

24/08/2009

Compelling Explanations

When motorist Timothy Pereira, 19, rammed Christine Speliotis’ car head-on in Salem, Mass., in March, there was no doubt in police officers’ minds what the cause was: Pereira was driving 85 mph in a 35 mph zone and had swerved into Speliotis’ lane. However, in July, Brandon Pereira, 17, an injured passenger in his cousin’s car, filed a lawsuit against Speliotis for negligence, claiming that if she had been quicker to get out of the way, the collision would not have occurred. [Salem News, 8-1-09]


Failed Defenses

A woman in Kansas City, Mo., told police in June that the reason she had stabbed her sleepwalking 24-year-old boyfriend in the face was that she feared he would hurt her if she didn’t wake him up. (She said the man had also just finished urinating in her closet.) [Kansas City Star, 6-24-09]

In Britain’s Chelmsford Crown Court in July, Sultan Al-Sayed, 40, was convicted of peeping under the next stall in a department-store changing room despite his claim that the only reason he placed his face on the floor was to relieve pain from a toothache. [Colchester Gazette-News, 7-29-09]


Ironies

When the tenant failed to pay $87,000 in rent in April and May on two townhouses and a retail property at Trump Plaza in New York City, the landlord did what Donald Trump would surely do: It began eviction proceedings. However, the tenant in this case is Donald Trump’s Trump Corp., which leases the space from the current landlord, the Trump Plaza Owners co-op. Said the co-op president: “If you don’t pay the rent when Donald Trump is your landlord, he comes down on you like a hammer. Well, lo and behold….” [The American Lawyer, 5-14-09]

In July, Mexican authorities accused one of the country’s newer drug cartels, La Familia, of murdering 12 federal agents following a 2007 debut in which it rolled five severed heads into a dance hall in a show of intimidation. According to an April Reuters report, captured documents indicate that La Familia gang members are strictly required to attend regular prayer meetings, to never drink alcohol or take drugs, and to attend classes in “ethics” and “personal improvement.” [Reuters, 4-20-09; Washington Post, 7-15-09]


I Want My Rights!

Relatives of two British convicted murderers, claiming a breach of “privacy” under the European Convention on Human Rights, filed lawsuits recently against the Greater Manchester Police over a crime-prevention campaign. High-profile gangbangers Colin Joyce, 29, and Lee Amos, 32, had been sentenced to long prison terms, and the GMP, trying to turn youths away from gangs, created computer images on billboards of the two men as they might look when they are released, sometime after the year 2040. Their families were outraged. (GMP reported that gang-related shootings are down 92 percent since Joyce and Amos were caught.) [Daily Telegraph, 6-17-09]

Schoolteacher Charlene Schmitz, convicted in February 2008 of using electronic messaging to seduce a 14-year-old student in Leroy, Ala., was fired and is now serving a 10-year prison sentence. However, under Alabama law, she is still entitled to draw her $51,000 salary until all legal issues are concluded, and Schmitz is both appealing her conviction and suing the school board for firing her. Another aspect of state law requires the settlement of all criminal issues before the lawsuit can even be addressed. The school board, with an already limited budget, must thus pay Schmitz and her replacement during the process. [CNN, 6-5-09]

A Canadian public employees’ union local had been on strike in Toronto for weeks, causing an otherwise popular public park to fall into disuse because of high grass and lack of maintenance. Fed-up neighbors brought their own mowers to the park and cleaned it up, making it once again a valuable community resource for dog-walking, ball-playing and picnics. Said the local union’s president, in July, of the neighbors’ effort: “You could use the word ’scab.’” [Toronto Star, 7-10-09]


Fetishes on Parade

Christopher Bjerkness, 31, was arrested in Duluth, Minn., in July and charged with another episode of breaking into a gym facility and slashing numerous large rubber exercise balls. He had acknowledged a sexual urge to slash that type of ball following a conviction in 2006 for cutting up 70 balls in three incidents at the University of Minnesota Duluth. This time, 40 balls were damaged at a St. Mary’s/Duluth Clinic West building. Police were told by a psychologist last year, after Bjerkness abandoned court-ordered therapy, that he “continues to be a risk to society.” [Duluth News Tribune, 7-17-09]


Least Competent Criminals

Recurring Themes: Lonnie Meckwood, 29, and Phillip Weeks, 51, were arrested in Kirkwood, N.Y., in June after allegedly robbing the Quickway Convenience Store. Their getaway ended about a mile from the crime scene as their car ran out of gas, even though the Quickway is also a gas station. [WMAR-TV (Baltimore)-AP, 6-30-09]

Hatim Gulamhusein, 48, was arrested at Toronto International Airport in April, suspected of bringing 76 swallowed packets of cocaine into the country as a drug mule, despite a mighty effort to avoid being charged. Gulamhusein managed to control his bowels so well that it took three weeks for all the packets to pass. [WMAR-TV (Baltimore)-AP, 6-30-09] [United Press International-National Post, 4-29-09]


Recurring Themes

It should be well-known by now to News of the Weird readers that a DNA test disproving fatherhood will not necessarily relieve a man of child-support obligations. Frank Hatley’s case is especially alarming. He was finally released in July in Cook County, Ga., but only after having spent 13 months in jail because he had missed a few payments for another man’s child. Hatley had paid conscientiously, albeit incompletely, from 1987-2000, out of meager wages, and continued (even during periods of unemployment and homelessness) for several years after he learned he was not the father. In 2001, a court absolved him of the duty to make future payments, but the state interpreted that ruling as not affecting the overdue amounts from the past, and in 2008 jailed him. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 7-14-09]

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Wikipedia Printed

20/08/2009

this is cool – it’s wikipedia Ctrl – P’d, check it out:

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Basketball – A Crying Man’s Sport?

29/07/2009

July 29, 2009

If you haddn’t already heard wonderful news about Allen Iverson – earlier this month, well, you should now. The NBA’s nail-tough point guard shed some tears earlier this month at his very own Allen Iverson Student Athletic Scholarship Program. He shed some tears as he projected about the program and about his own critisism surrounding his 13-year long career in the NBA.

This isn’t even the beginning….Congrats to AI for having the more normal news of this blog post today…

Yesterday, in a Tweet, the newest member of the Lebron’s Cav’s, and the big man we all know and love, Shaq, mentioned the following – “Starbury crying? What’s going on!? I know that aint vaseline he’s eating!! EW!”

Well, in reading this, of course I immediately thought – I have to know what the hell Shaq is talking about – which is usually the case in any Tweet. <3 Shaq

Well, you guessed it not only did he make a 24 hour live webcast of himself answering questions from fans (must’ve made his promoters and sponsors REAL happy, if he has any left after the NY Knicks drama) but he also decided it’d be a great idea to eat some vaseline on camera for the entire world to see. WHAT!? Yeah, believe it -

Starbury Crying on Webcam:

Starbury Eating Vaseline on Webcam:

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Dumb SI teen falls into manhole while texting.

16/07/2009

Teen Texting Trap

Teen Texting Trap

Alexa Longueira, a high school sophomore, was walking along Victory Boulevard near Travis Avenue on Staten Island Wednesday evening when she felt the earth move and was plunged into smelly darkness.

I can only imagine the foul smelling filth this retard girl was covered with after plunging into the sewer, I’m hoping she was smart enough to put down her phone before she got into the shower that evening -n

She said the manhole she fell in to was left open and unattended with no warning signs or orange cones. She said two workers with the New York City Department of Environmental Protection failed to secure the area as they prepared to flush the sewer.

“It was just really gross and it was shocking and scary,” she said. “Because of their careless mistake I got hurt.”

… or maybe its because you couldn’t tear your eyes off of your cell phone screen and watch where the heck you were going… who knows

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wtf – weird shoes.

1/07/2009

title says it all. link us to your favorite weird pair of shoes. these are mine.

official talktuna.com shoes - get your pair for free at BK with a big kids meal

official talktuna.com shoes - get your pair for free at BK with a big kid's meal

star trek?

star trek?

high no heals

high no heals

not sure

not sure

Snakes

Snakes

Odd stuff - looks like a couch

Odd stuff - looks like a couch

Whip kicks

Whip kicks

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